Up On My Soap Box Again00:34 Apr 23 2007
Times Read: 744
This entry may seem a little strange and disjointed. The reason for this is that I was typing the entries on my laptop every few days but, without being able to connect to the internet regularly, I didn’t get a chance to post any of them. Hence, the huge entry. Not that my normal ones would be considered particularly brief.
Tuesday 27th March
I May Look The Part But I Still Don’t Fit In
For my exam on April 12th I need cream jodhpurs. Not longer being the competitive type, my wardrobe did not include a suitable pair (unless I magically go back to whatever size I was when I was wore the pair I own) so Tuesday involved a trip to the saddlery. Several hours later I emerged with cream jodhpurs, two reduced price pairs of leg bandages, a tail bandage and Megan’s birthday card. I’d tried a show jacket on with the jodhpurs and was quite surprised at how smart I looked. Of course, having my own horse would help on the competition front but that’s not going to happen anytime soon.
I’m Not Elite. I’m Not Even A Speck Of Dust On The Boots Of The Elite
Straight after the trip to the saddlery I headed to the yard with Megan where I practiced plaiting Fred’s mane and tail and bandaging his legs. I was finishing grooming him while she went to see about getting a fresh bale of shavings when a loose horse came galloping down the track next to the indoor arena. It was tacked up and rider-less and, as soon as it realised people were trying to catch it, it turned round and fled back the way it had come, down the hill to the car park and back to its stable. Philly came to see what the commotion was, apparently genuinely worried. Until she found out the girl hadn’t been on the horse, that is. When she realised she wasn’t about to be sued, she decided she no longer cared. Typical Philly.
When Biscuit got loose I offered to go after him or hold the pony Lauren was holding so she could go after him but everyone pretty much ignored me. And Biscuit. They wouldn’t have been so Cavalier if it had been their horse. After that I couldn’t shake the feeling of worthlessness. Sue and Ernie both spoke to me and the weather was beautiful but it didn’t seem to matter. There was me, a girl who has been at that yard and riding longer than most of the people teaching there, being cast aside and looked down upon as though I was hired help. I should be so lucky. It’s not as though I was being paid to be there. Not that I want Megan to pay me. Thankfully she didn’t have a personality transplant when she got Fred on loan. Little does she realise, though, she has now become one of
The Elite.
Do You Deserve What You Have?
All the arenas were in use when Megan wanted to ride Fred so she had to wait for a lesson to end and, when it did, she had to share the arena with two other riders. One of the other riders, after a little under ten minutes, decided she was bored and couldn’t really be bothered. I felt like screaming at her. There she was on a horse of her own, proclaiming boredom, while I stood by and watched everyone else riding and wishing that I could join them.
I Can See How Much Attention People Pay To Me
As soon as one of the outdoor arenas was free, Megan took Fred out there to finish working with him. Niamh came round soon after and, shockingly, actually spoke to me. She said she hadn’t seen me around in ages (after completely ignoring me on Saturday) and asked how Enniskillen was going. She seemed really surprised that I’ve been away studying in England but it’s not as though any of them pay that much attention to what is said anyway.
A Wasted Evening Or The Seed Of Fulfilment?
By the time I got home it was almost 9pm so a few hours of TV and internet access finished off the day. My head was killing me by 1am and I knew I should go to bed but I had a story in my mind that was begging to be written and I knew I couldn’t sleep until it was down on paper.
Wednesday 28th March
Aiming For The Stars
Wednesday involved a trip to the Armagh Planetarium. I’ve been wanting to go back again for ages now so the Spring break seemed like as good a time as any for a visit. Especially since the school children weren’t off for Easter yet. When we arrived, not long after the opening time of 1pm, an event for pensioners was just finishing. We booked our tickets for the only show of the day and then wandered around the exhibits. It doesn’t look like there’s that much at first but it literally takes hours to see and read everything. We didn’t quite look at everything but that could be partly because they started to shut everything down with over fifteen minutes left until they were due to close.
What do NASA, Ewan McGregor and I have In Common?
The answer to this question is
Astronaut, the show being screened at the Planetarium this week. It used data provided by NASA to show the training of astronauts and the affect of their work upon their bodies. It was narrated by Ewan McGregor (apologies if I’ve spelt his name wrong) and I saw it on this day. There, that’s your answer.
It was a slightly random show but still good and funny in places as well as informative. There were only four of us watching it so, thankfully, there were no unruly children (or adults) present.
Flat Tyres, Digital Photography And Wireless Hijacking
When we left the Planetarium one of the tyres on the car was flat. Completely flat. So flat, in fact, that ‘dead’ might be a better way to phrase it. After changing it we headed home (stopping for food on the way) and arrived back to find that David had actually come home. With the exception of a flying visit last night (while I was out) he hadn’t been back since Friday.
As it was my last night before having my hair re-bleached, I decided I wanted pictures of it taken. I went to ask David for the digital camera, so I could put them straight on the computer, only to discover that he hadn’t brought it home. Thankfully we still have a normal camera as well as a digital one. I hope he brings it back before Saturday, though, as I would like to take it with me if I go out to dinner.
David finally got round to fixing my laptop, after it decided it didn’t want to play sounds properly, and it picked up a wireless signal when I turned it on. Apparently a few houses in our area have their own wireless networks and David was using them while our computer was away for repairs. I figured I might as well use them too until we get our own set up. Of course, ours will be secure so no one else can use it. ;)
Thursday 29th March
Beauty Requires Pain And Sacrifice
Re-bleaching day. Michelle phoned just before eleven thirty to ask me to shampoo my hair a few times before she arrived at twelve. Apparently me having washed it the previous night wasn’t enough and to make matters worse, I hadn’t heated the water. I hate showering or washing my hair when the water is cold but I had no choice.
It’s been almost two years since I last had my hair bleached and I forgot just how much it hurts when the bleach gets on your skin. It burns so much and kills when it finds broken skin. Then there was the small matter of my hair being ripped out. She was combing the bleach through my hair and it was pulling on my scalp so much that I had to dig my nails into my flesh to prevent myself screaming. I have a high pain threshold but everyone has their limits. However, the pain meant that I’d soon be able to dye my hair again so it wasn’t all negative.
Dear Lord, I’m Blonde!
It took two kinds of bleach and almost two and a half hours but, by Thursday afternoon I was blonde. Well, sort of. Half my hair was still pink-orange from the last bleach-and-dye process and re-bleaching it would probably have destroyed my hair completely. There was some pink at the front of my hair as well. It was from an experiment near Halloween when I wanted to see if the red dye would have an effect on my natural colour. It made a minimal change to it but was gone within a week. Or so I thought. Apparently dye penetrates my hair that deeply that some trace of it will always remain in the part which was dyed.
Friday 30th March
A Heron, A Rabbit And A Pair Of Binoculars Walk Into A Bar…
I was meant to go up to the yard with Megan but she texted me to say that Fred was lame and not to bother coming. Instead, I went to a nature reserve called the Harbour Lagoon. It’s down near the docks in the centre of the industrial estates and it seems like such an odd place for it. We went to one of the hides first but it wasn’t very impressive since we didn’t have any binoculars. Hoping the observation centre would be better, we headed there.
There was plenty of information in the centre and we managed to borrow some binoculars to watch the birds. They were great to watch but I started to feel sick from looking through the binoculars and had to give up. We did see a heron, hundreds of ducks and dozens of small hedgerow birds though and there was a group of crows that reminded me of a group of teenagers hanging out together. Don’t ask me why; they just did. There was also a rabbit on the grass slope right outside the window. It was eating away quite unconcerned about the people on the other side of the glass.
Tesing… One, Two, Three… Testing
Still unsure of whether to dye my hair red, which I knew would work, or blue, which I suspected would turn my hair a strange colour, I decided to do a bit of experimentation. I put blue dye on part of my hair which was still pink. The result was a dull purple but shampooing showed that it would wash out pretty quickly. That confirmed my suspicions. I was going to be better off with the red dye.
Saturday 31st March
Just An Average Day
It was a pretty normal ride on a pretty normal Saturday. I rode Murphy and we did some flatwork and a little jumping. Fred was still lame but Megan decided to come up to watch me ride (which I though was nice of her since she could have had a lie in). There was a girl called Kelly in the ride but she won’t be in it next week because she’s barely at intermediate level and we are the most advanced lesson in the school.
I spoke to James online and told him my hair was three inches long, black and gelled into spikes. Once I’d admitted to winding him up, I told him it was blonde but he wouldn’t believe me. The story of the boy who cried wolf comes to mind.
Sunday 1st April
Material Possessions
We headed to the Market at Nutts Corner in the morning and then to a car boot sale in the afternoon. At one of the stalls at the market we were told we could fill a bag with books for a pound. So we did. Two pounds and fifty four books later we went around the last few stalls and then headed to the car boot sale where we made only two purchases. One was a cuddly toy sheep for Philippa’s birthday and the other was a large photographic image of a leopard.
Happy April Fool’s Day
I got a text from James telling me the lava lamp had exploded in our flat, blowing the fuses and moulding the actual lava onto the carpet. I was worried until I realised what the date was.
Honest Guv, I Woke Up And My Hair Was This Colour
Having made my decision on colour, I dyed my hair poppy red again. I love having it done. The only problem is that my hair grows so quickly that it will grow to chin length from the roots in less than two years. I actually had 1mm roots the day after it was bleached.
The Latest Fashion
While the dye was taking to my hair I wandered around the house with a bag on my head. Leanne phoned during this ‘fashion statement’ to tell me we were going to Ballymena the following day. Tina had texted me days earlier about going on a day trip at some stage and plans had obviously been made without me.
Monday 2nd April
In Which People See Red
I was the first to arrive at the train station where we were due to meet. Leanne arrived a few minutes later and said she liked my hair. However, Helen has apparently been telling everyone that it’s blue and had warned Tina not to go up to random people with blue hair and start talking to them (completely ignoring the fact that Tina
should now, after knowing me for eight years, be able to recognise me irrespective of my hair colour).
B Is The First Letter Of Ballymena And Boredom
Ballymena was not the first place I would have thought of for a daytrip. It’s a town where a shopping centre is the heart of the excitement. Or, at least, it would be if there was any excitement.
We caught the twelve thirty train from Belfast and arrived in Ballymena about forty minutes later. Since Helen was starving and Emma had missed the train and was due in, via bus, at one fifty, we went to a café. When Emma arrived we returned to the same café for lunch despite my protests. There was nothing on the menu I ate so my lunch was a tray bake (very filling *rolls eyes*) but I wouldn’t have wanted what they ate anyway. Most of it looked like dog food in gravy.
After the café we went to H&M where everyone tried at least one thing on. Although it was seven in some cases. I ended up buying two stretchy hair bands which make me feel like Alice In Wonderland when I wear them. I had less success with clothes and was indirectly insulted by my friends in the changing rooms because a size 16 shirt didn’t fit Emma and she was horrified about going up to an 18 (which I often wear, mainly because a 16 is too tight across the bust). I felt like turning round and going back to the train station there and then.
Starbucks was the next stop and then La Senza, HMV and Topshop. The guy at the counter in Starbucks chatted to me about my hair. (He was kind of cute.) Helen and Leanne tried on silver sequin-covered dresses in Topshop and looked pretty odd. Then it was back to the train station where we took photographs and boarded the train back to Belfast when it arrived. Emma, Leanne and Helen disembarked at Mosley West and Tina and I stayed on until Great Victoria Street. Then we parted ways and headed for our individual buses.
Undue Attention
On the way to my bus stop some idiot drove past and yelled,
“Your hair is a sight,” out his window but I didn’t care. I love my hair the way it is and have had way more compliments than criticisms. Although, now that I think of it, almost all of them have been from men and many of them were quite a bit older than me. :s
Still The Ugly Duckling?
My bus didn’t arrive so I ended up phoning home for a lift. While waiting for my Mum to arrive I was blown a kiss and complimented on my hair by a random man in the street. I do admit that he made me feel somewhat nervous.
We called at the local Chinese to buy dinner on the way home and, while I was in ordering, I noticed that the guy who had come in after me was looking at me. I watched him start at my face, go right down to my feet and then bring his gaze up to my chest before dragging it up a little further. I made eye contact and he spoke to me. I then nodded and returned my attention to the programme on the television above the counter. Thankfully it was something that was actually of interest but part of me was still watching the guy next to me. Not because he was cute, but rather because he was making me edgy. He was too close to me and I could tell he wanted to say something. Is it just my hair that’s making guys talk to me or has my persona changed? Maybe getting
‘stalk me’ tattooed on my head was a bad idea. (Sarcasm, by the way. I have no such tattoo.)
Invasion Of Privacy
I was annoyed to discover that a former ‘friend’ has started reading my journal entires. I know they’re public but by posting them here some part of me was only giving people here permission to read them. If I’m not in a stable mood (admittedly most of the time) the smallest thing can set me off on a flaming rant. This is my place for getting things out of my system but I’m sure I must come off as such a bitch. People will probably hate me when they read this and worryingly friends are starting to talk about reading it. Hence the disclaimer as the first entry for April.
Tuesday 3rd April
Farewell To Uniqueness
Although Fred was still lame and could not, therefore, be ridden, I had agreed to meet Megan outside the City Hall at one thirty to go up to the yard. I got into town early and went to Fresh Garbage for a look at their clothes. I found far too much I wanted and discovered that they are now stocking Poizen Industries products. Previously, I’d only been able to purchase them in Void in Nottingham but now
everyone in Belfast is going to have them. *sigh* The shop was packed. It’s always cramped and filled with things but there were boxes all over the place because they’d just received a delivery and there were loads of people in since it was the school holidays.
Now, Where Are We Going Again?
I met Megan at the arranged time and headed around to the bus station with her. She was dressed for the yard. I had my yard clothes in my bag. I don’t think my fragile self-esteem could have coped with the jeers from people in town.
Are You Talking To Me?
When we got to the yard, I went to get changed and returned just as Megan was leading Fred down to the grooming area. Before I had the chance to join her, Philly emerged from the indoor arena and asked “How’s your course going?” I looked around and then realised she was speaking to me. Stunned doesn’t even begin to express how I felt that she was talking to me. Admittedly, she did think I was studying in Enniskillen but she held a further two conversations with me that day. She was so nice that it was almost scary.
Wednesday 4th April
Amnesia
I have no idea what I did on this day but I assume that it involved either television or the internet. Or perhaps both.
Thursday 5th April
What Age?
I met Megan at the City Hall again and we proceeded to the bus station. Unlike me, she is still classed as a child for fares. On Tuesday I paid full fare but this time the driver (the same one as two days previously) only charged me a child’s fare. Go figure. I didn’t correct him. Money is everything when you’re a student.
Kindness Of A Stranger
It’s a ten minute walk from the main road to the yard proper but we’d only just stepped off the bus when Sevvy’s owner offered us a lift. She’d offered to driver us the last two minutes of the walk on Tuesday but there didn’t seem to be much point at that stage. This time we accepted.
One Horse, Two Families
The vet was supposed to come and examine Fred again but he didn’t show up. We waited for Fred’s owner and her family to arrive so Megan could discuss the Fred’s lameness with Ashleigh. They seem like nice people. Very down to earth and willing to accept the unpredictable nature of horses’ physiology without much complaint.
Photo Shoot
On my second Saturday back Megan’s dad took photographs of the two of us, Murphy and Fred. I finally got to see the pictures today and they look really good. I love having a professional around to take pictures. I have fantastic ones he took for me in the past.
Don’t Worry About Our Plans
Brandon phoned after we got home to say he would be coming to stay on Friday night instead of Saturday. That meant that we had to rearrange our plans. Sarah isn’t one to consider the intentions of others.
Friday 6th April
Purchasing The Essentials
Mum and I went to the market at St. George’s this morning. I ended up buying some food, yet another new eyeliner and make-up remover wipes. There wasn’t much else at the market worth buying. I did, however, see Lana and Alyson who were there for the first time in a long time. We spent quite a while talking to them about pets and magic and then went around the rest of the stalls. I’d just said to Mum that I was surprised Dad hadn’t asked her to buy fish and peppers when her phone rang. It was Dad calling to ask her to bring smoked salmon and peppers.
Present Shopping
After the market we headed to Antrim. I wanted to look in the Grotten Emporium for Megan’s birthday present. It’s not until the 11th of May but I didn’t want to have to post her something from university unless absolutely necessary. I bought her a Siouxsie top with detachable sleeves and ended up getting myself a pair of bat socks and another pair of long fingerless gloves.
Once we’d finished there we decided to have a quick look around the other shops. We started in a thrift shop and emerged with a lot of books and a large and heavy coffee table that cost only £5. After that we had to head home for Brandon coming over.
Decision Time
With Saturday’s Cornucopia rapidly approaching I was torn over whether or not to go. It wasn’t long before I received quite a few orders to attend. Friday evening, therefore, was ultimately spent choosing an outfit. Why does the mere thought of him seem to turn me into such a superficial girl?
Saturday 7th April
A Good Last Day
Fred was still lame but Megan came up to watch me ride again. We were riding in one of the outdoor arenas and Murphy was going well. He was however a little spooked by the ash coming off a fire they decided to light in the car park. Personally, I don’t think the best time to have a fire is when people are riding outside. Thankfully Murphy settled down after a few minutes. However, he did spook later.
Cathy hung her jacket over the fence and asked me if I thought it would spook the horses. I suggested she move it but the wind blew it off before she had the chance to do so. Murphy shied sideways and then cantered but settled quickly and was fine for the rest of the ride. Unfortunately I got sand in my mouth (since we were riding in the sand school) which wasn’t pleasant but I didn’t fall off. Unlike my first week back.
Murphy jumped really well in the lesson. The fences weren’t that big but he was going forward and seemed very happy jumping. Later he did try to bite Maria but that was because Sonia brought her too close to him.
Finally, The One Fingered Salute She Deserves
After the ride I headed for home. I would have liked to stay up to help Megan but Helen had texted me the previous evening about going into town at 1pm. As we were leaving the yard (after I’d had my emotional moment) I texted her to check where we would be meeting and after a while she got back to me. It wasn’t an answer with which I was happy. She said she didn’t have time that afternoon (read: couldn’t be bothered getting the bus) but that we could go somewhere in the evening. I replied, telling her that I was already going out, that she was welcome to join me but that I was not changing my plans for her. It was meant to sound nasty. She’s always made me change my plans and now I’m so sick of it that I don’t care what she thinks of me any more.
Left Hanging
We were almost home when Emma texted me to ask if I was still going into town. It was then that I realised that Helen had decided for all of us that
none of us should go in. I thought about headed in but I was that pissed off by this stage that I gave up completely on the idea. Emma was only going in for a couple of hours anyway.
How Much Body Armour Do You Require During A Haircut?
Since I now had the entire afternoon free, I headed up the street to help give Willow another haircut. He has such long hair that it gets matted easily. Unfortunately he doesn’t believe in making our job easy. I ended up getting scratched and bitten. The bites bled a bit and my right shoulder and upper arm look like they’ve been attacked by a very small vampire.
The Perfect Outfit
I spent a ridiculous amount of time choosing just the right outfit for Cornucopia. The final decision was: New Rocks, black baggy trousers with chains and metal skulls all over them, black t-shirt, black hoodie and my favourite dog collar. It was finished off with black eye make-up and black nail polish.
Background Information
Corcucopia, affectionately known as Corni, is an alternative night held at the Rosetta Bar in Belfast on the first Saturday of each month. It’s a Goth club night where any outfit is acceptable. Well, perhaps not chav gear.
Entry Fees
Entry to Corni is £3 between 9 and 10pm and £5 thereafter. I had every intention of being there by nine thirty. Unfortunately, things didn’t quite go according to plan. Mum was late back so I didn’t get to leave the house until my intended arrival time. Then we had to drop something at my aunt’s house and, finally, we had to return to the house so I could get my ID. I knew they would ask for it if I didn’t have it. Of course, they didn’t ask since I did have it with me.
Meet And Greet
Louise met me at the door of the Rosetta and we headed upstairs where I was introduced to a few people. Then we went looking for Francis and, when we found him, he introduced me to even more people. It was great to meet everyone but I can’t remember everyone’s name and I’m not sure if I’d even recognise half of them if I met them in the street.
Owned
Sean started stroking my hair when he joined us, since I’d re-dyed it between the last time he’d seen me and that night. Someone (I can’t remember his name) came over and asked if I was Sean’s pet. Before I could answer Francis replied saying that I was one of his. That made me feel really happy even if it didn’t really mean anything.
Slideshow
We stood for quite a while watching the slideshow running on a screen to the side of the bar. It was pictures of previous Cornucopia’s and it provided plenty of laughs. Now I just wonder if anyone was taking pictures that night. Will I be up on that screen sometime soon? Only time will tell.
Be Seated
After being introduced to more people I ended up sitting with Ellie, Lucy and Tina/Gina (can’t remember which it is) chatting about random things. People came and went and I ended up chatting to (and being groped by) a random guy at one stage.
Care To Dance?
At one point during the night I was sitting with Lucy, discussing dancing while everyone else was up on the floor doing just that. She doesn’t dance and I told her that I didn’t either. Then I amended the statement. It’s not that I don’t dance as much as that I can’t dance. Francis rejoined us a while later and we got back onto the topic of me dancing. He, being in somewhat of an evil mood, asked Lucy if she thought he should make me dance and she, obviously being in a similar state of mind, said that he should. I accused her, jokingly, of being evil and then had to reassure her that I was only messing around. Moments later I was beckoned to the dance floor.
Dancing
Francis beckoned me to the dance floor and I had to obey. If I didn’t, I knew I’d be getting dragged there by the ring on my dog collar anyway. I danced (if you can call it that) until I was allowed to leave the floor and then returned, exhausted, to my seat. You don’t realise just how tiring dancing can be.
A while later ‘Doctorin’ The Tardis’ by the Timelords came on and I got up (semi) voluntarily to dance to it. When it ended I tried to sneak off the floor but was told I had to stay. Apparently I would know why as soon as I heard the sample. The song was ‘Exterminate, Annihilate, Destroy’ by Rotersand which is a really good song for those who wish to dance, especially if you’re a Doctor Who fan. I made it through that song and half of the next one before I needed a break. Me, dancing, who would have ever thought it?
The Night Draws To A Close
I expected Corni to finish at about 1 am but it came to an end at around midnight. I had also expected to be going home straight afterwards but Francis had asked about my plans as soon as I had arrived and then told me that I was heading back to his house to join the party there. No complaints from me.
Belongings And A Phone Call
The staff at the Rosetta couldn’t wait to get rid of us when Corni finished. They were trying to rush us outside but there were still bags where we had been sitting so Francis went to look for their owner while I watched over them (just in case they grew legs and ran away *wink*). I also took the time to call Mum to say I wasn’t coming home. She wanted to know where I was going and who I was going with (for safety reasons obviously) and, all the while I was talking, I was very aware that I had maybe mentioned Francis once in passing. Oops. She didn’t mind though and, soon after I ended the call, we were ushered out of the building.
Outside
There was a lot of mingling once we got outside since people were saying their goodbyes and organising who was going home with who. I spoke to a few random people while there and watched others having a paper aeroplane flying contest. I’m sure the local residents just loved us for the noise we were making. I couldn’t help thinking about Debbie since she’d, jokingly, told me not to make too much noise when leaving so as to wake her up.
Which Taxi?
There was some confusion over who was going in which taxi back to the house as it seemed to change every thirty seconds. I knew I was supposed to go with Francis since I didn’t have a clue where the house was in relation to the Rosetta but no one seemed to know who else was going in the same taxi. Suddenly someone appeared looking for two others so we ended up headed to the taxi rank with him.
The Taxi Rank
We waited inside the taxi rank and it was quite amusing to watch the face of the guy on duty as people kept coming in and ordering taxis for the same address. When the first one left, I ended up as the only female inside the taxi rank. I got a few compliments from those there (blushing time) but I doubt they were actually being serious.
Inside The Taxi
It was a bit of a squeeze getting into the taxi when it arrived since none of us were exactly petite and full Goth gear tends to take up space anyway. I’m sure Francis was wondering what the hell I was trying to do when I was attempting to fasten my seatbelt. The house wasn’t far but I have issues about safety. I can’t be in a car without having my seatbelt fastened. I obsess about others having theirs fastened too.
Sunday 8th April
So Many Happenings In So Little Time
This is really an overview of some things that happened that night. I’m not including everything, either because I can’t remember everything or because some of the things that did happen are private to those who were there and should not be shared freely.
Arrival
I think the taxi only cost about £4.30 which was a bit so a shock after living at Brackenhurst where it’s about £30 for a taxi home from the City. Admittedly, there is a great difference in distance but it was still a surprise, albeit a pleasant one.
The Grand Tour
Having arrived at the house, I was given a quick tour of the front garden (nicknamed Nam, if I remember correctly), the living room (plenty of reading material), the stairs (very up and down) and Francis’s room (black bed sheets and Daleks should just about cover it).
Gerbils
While there were still only a few people in the house we went to visit the gerbils. And yes I do mean normal pet gerbils. It’s not code for anything else but, with me, I can understand you thinking it might be. They were very cute. How can anyone not like them?
In Which Things Burn
There was a fireplace in the living room so they decided to light a fire despite the fact that it wasn’t cold. It wasn’t long before there was some conflict between the two Michaels. The first, a resident of the house, told the second, henceforth referred to as The Scientologist, not to put coal on top of the fire log but he refused to listen. If we had paid attention, we might have seen this as an omen for the night.
Some time later the fire was starting to go out and The Scientologist claimed to know how to get it to relight efficiently. His solution, despite our protests, was to remove the lid from a plastic bottle, wrap newspaper around it and place it on the smouldering embers before adding coal on top of it. He insisted that the bottle wouldn’t melt. However, as we predicted, it did melt and then we had the addition of toxic fumes into the room. We knew who we would be blaming if any of us died. :s
Drinking
There was an awful lot of alcohol at the house, so much so that it made Charlotte’s party seem like the image of sobriety. People were on all sorts of things – absinthe, sonic screwdrivers, Lucozade and vodka and so on and so forth. John brought his own cranberry juice and white wine. People were mocking him for mixing them together, saying that he was a lightweight drinking such a ‘girly’ drink. Personally, I was on my usual poison of other people’s energy.
It’s amazing that so many people seem to think there’s something wrong with you if you don’t drink alcohol. I lost count of the number of times people and the house, and earlier at Corni, tried to understand how I could have bright red hair and yet not consume alcohol. It was September 19th 2004 last time I had any. That makes me sound like such an alcoholic but I swear I’m not. I remember because it was my friend’s 18th birthday. However, after having no desire to drink again, I was suddenly within two minutes of doing it again. Why does he have that effect upon me?
An Introduction To Scientology
Before we left the taxi rank, someone was complaining about a drunken scientologist who wouldn’t shut up. We soon found out that it was The Scientologist. When we got to the house he started a debate with Tina/Gina about whether we were real or whether we just perceived ourselves and our surroundings as being real. It was a very interesting conversation. However, it got quite confusing as I was listening to several different conversations at once.
Getting Comfortable
Being the outsider, I spent quite a while standing up while everyone else sat on the limited selection of seats or on the floor. After a while they managed to convince me to take off my boots (since there wasn’t enough room for me to sit while wearing them) and join them on the floor.
Feet
As a segue from my last topic, we now move to feet. I seem to have become friendly with a few foot fetishists. At least one of whom was present that night. There were also a few people there who were quite fond of foot massages so there were a fair number given and received during the house party.
Background Noise
Although music was discussed, it was finally decided that
Father Ted would be put on as background noise. However, we did watch it on and off throughout the night, laughing a lot and, scarily, noting some things that were not only very accurate but which were, in some cases, very familiar.
Towards the end of the night, when episodes of
Father Ted were exhausted, we swapped to a film and ended up watching
Muppets In Space. Well, I say watching but no one actually saw the entire thing and I’m not sure what the plot was. Assuming that there was a plot.
What Age Do I Look?
Age guessing was performed by one of the people present (I’m not sure if I was ever introduced to him and I can’t remember his name if I was) and I still can’t decide how I should react to his opinion of me. Having turned twenty at the end of February, I expected him to guess I was in my early twenties as I have always looked older than I am (despite suddenly beginning to get asked for ID after starting university). I did not expect him to say he though I was twenty-eight. I was slightly insulted and he was mortified when he discovered my actual age. I know twenty-eight isn’t old but it is almost eight years away for me and adds almost a decade to me age. The worst part was that he was fairly accurate in his guesses of other people’s ages.
Compliments
I received quite a few compliments at the house. Since last summer it has been happening more and more regularly and I have no idea why. Nothing has physically changed about me (other than losing a stone between October and December but that doesn’t affect people who had never met me before then). That’s why I can’t figure out why people were calling me sweet, cute and sexy. It probably doesn’t mean anything but people really do underestimate the power of a compliment.
I was also told I had cute nostrils by Ben who was lying on the floor holding a conversation with me. It was then that I had a really strange experience. The angle we were at meant that I was viewing his face from upside down but suddenly it was as though his feature turned around so that his face was the opposite way to the rest of his body. I hadn’t taken anything (as I don’t do drugs. Ever) and I hadn’t had anything to drink so I know no one had slipped me anything. I guess it must just have been tiredness but it was very unnerving. Also, I discovered that he has a very long tongue.
Am I A Bad Person?
In addition to the other compliments, I received an indirect one about my evilness. We’d been talking about me not drinking even though I have red hair and I said that I enjoyed staying sober because I could take pictures and blackmail people by threatening to put them on the internet. People thought it was funny and a good idea but the compliment came when
he said that I came up with that by myself, that he hadn’t helped me and that it proved that I wasn’t so ‘good’ after all.
Weaponry
The conversation turned to weaponry a few times and we discussed the benefits of sharp implements and how the government is just being stupid with its plan to band swords. Soon two weapons appeared – a dagger and an axe. Admittedly they were plastic but we still had some fun with them. The Scientologist accused me of being evil when I threatened to use the axe on his groin. *evil gleam in the eye* Yes, I am evil. It is a fact.
More Scientology
After Tina/Gina left The Scientologist seemed to be looking for someone else with whom to hold a debate. He tried me but I was too tired at that point and told him I’d discuss it some other time so he moved on to other people. When he got into it with Ben (who seemed to enjoy tearing his arguments to shreds) it got so intense that I did have some worries about it getting violent.
Drugged And Dragged
The Scientologist seemed to develop a small obsession with the spikes on my dog collar. At one point he was talking about it and I was about to say that I was surprised no one had yet dragged me around by the ring when he grabbed it and dragged me outside. Only a few steps admittedly but I wasn’t his to control. Thankfully, I still had my full mental capacity, even if I didn’t feel completely in control of myself. Normally I would have been frightened by the feeling but, for whatever reason, I was okay with it that night. Maybe the happiness was having a drug-like effect upon me, making me accept things I might not usually be content to accept. Later I found out that he’d been picking on those he viewed as the weaker people present to destabilise their beliefs. I don’t think I like the idea that
I was one of the people he saw as weak.
A Minor Let Down
Having spoken to him online on Friday, I received a further blow when he said to someone about being a flirtatious bastard and having led me on. Online he said that he wasn’t going to pursue me right now but might at a later date. He claimed he isn’t looking for a relationship right now but I get the feeling I may have just been told that he just wants us to be friends and nothing more.
Not Again
Scientology reared its head time and time again during the night and, by the end of it, I think everyone except The Scientologist was sick of it. However, I think everyone was sick of him too since he caused a fair amount of problems during the night. He apparently lives near me and I was going to see about giving him a lift home but I was terrified of what he might say in front of my Mum.
An Early Phone Call
At five-thirty I decided to call it quits on the night. A lot of people were heading home or had already gone so I phoned Mum to get her to pick me up. Apparently she slept on the sofa while waiting for me to call. She always comes to pick us up, no matter how late (or early) it is. I know it seems evil but it reassures her that we’re safe.
The Journey Home
I said my goodbyes when Mum arrived (thankfully having found the house without difficulty) and we headed for home. It sky was lightening and we chatted away on the journey back to the house about the entire night out (with inappropriate parts edited out, of course). It was around six when we passed the newsagents near our house. It was open and I joked that we should go in just because we could.
Straight To Bed? I Think Not
Rather than going straight to bed like I should have, I ended up wandering around the house for a while and then I sat and watched a programme on Pippa Funnell. I said I wasn’t going to watch it since I should have been getting some sleep but, of course, I watched the first few minutes, got interested in what was being said and then had to watch the entire thing.
Un, Deux, Trois
Despite having been awake for a full rotation of the Earth, I slept for only three hours. Mum was shocked to find me downstairs in the library well before midday as she hadn’t expected me to get up until late afternoon. Not only was I up but I was wide awake. My throat was still a little raw from having breathed in second-hand smoke at Corni but I’d lost a lot of the huskiness my voice had taken on by the time she picked me up.
Doing The Unthinkable
Since I’d done so much in the previous days I planned a lazy day on the internet. I’ve done things in my life that I probably shouldn’t have. A lot of them I’m not proud of but this day saw me push the boundaries and doing something new. I knew that I should have seen it as bad but it seemed good. God, I’m so fucked in the head.
Happy Easter
Being Easter Sunday I nibbled at an Easter egg for lunch. It amused me as there was a chocolate spike in the middle of one side due to the moulding process. Auntie Mary came down for dinner but I only picked at my food and I didn’t bother with dessert. Escaping as soon as I could, I returned to the safety of the internet.
Believe Me, I’m Okay
Auntie Mary came up to see me after a while to see if I was okay since I wasn’t downstairs with them as usual. That had them worried, as did the fact that I had little appetite. Food just held no appeal right then, probably because my mind had been focused on some many other things. It took quite a while to reassure her that I was okay and was just enjoying chatting to people online.
Cold Comfort
James, like me, spent most of the day online. On Friday he’d asked me for relationship advice (he could not have chosen a worse person to ask) and this day saw him seeking support in the decision he’s made. He was about to end a seven month relationship and all I could do was agree with him and offer moral support from another country.
An Early Night? Yeah Right
I should have been shattered and looking forward to getting an early night after the amount of time I’d been awake and active over the weekend but it was well into the early hours when I decided to go to be and, even then, I wasn’t really that tired.
Monday 9th April
Revival
Despite having been built in Belfast, it’s one of only a few major cities (relatively speaking) that does not have a Titanic museum. The Council have decided to change that. After the Troubles ended people final began to invest money in our country. The latest plan is for the complete development of a Titanic Quarter which will contain businesses and residential areas. The Nomadic, a boat which carried passengers to the Titanic when it was too large to dock in France, was purchased for refurbishment and is currently moored next to the Odyssey Arena. This year, the Council has also decided to hold an exhibition in the City Hall.
Titanic – Built In Belfast
We went to the Titanic exhibition in the City Hall. It didn’t seem that big at first but there was a lot of information. They had a memorial wall of pictures, letters and other things relating to the shipyard as well as having items recovered from passengers who survived the disaster. The exhibition was quite commercial as people (including the Titanoraks as they are known) were selling memorabilia. An auction company were also there, displaying items owned by and connected to passengers. Their intention is to sell these items for profit and some part of me finds that a little disturbing. I’m not sure why.
The information displayed was very detailed and I found a quote that amused me while being very accurate:
“Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, "No, thank you," to dessert that night. And for what!” It’s by Erma Bombeck, if you were wondering.
Yanked And Ganked
I was doing stuff online when Dad managed to pull the plug out of the wall by walking into the cable. I plugged it in again and tried to restart the computer but it wouldn’t do anything so I flipped the reset switch. No reaction. I let it rest for five minutes. Still nothing. Twenty minutes later I managed to get it restarted but people had gone offline, I’d lost my train of thought and I couldn’t get back to what I had been doing.
Confusion
I had hoped to see him before I returned to university but that plan didn’t work out. Now I’m at a complete loss over not only how he feels about me but also how I feel about him.
Tuesday 10th April
Sorting, Organising, Packing, Dining
Everything was gathered and packed for my return to university but the main focus of the evening was dinner. At Christmas, Mum, Debbie, Megan and I had gone out to an Italian restaurant for a meal. This time we decided just to go to a restaurant attached to a bar on the road where my Mum works. Soon, though, we were doubting the wisdom of that decision.
Limited Selection
We met Megan and Debbie outside the restaurant and then headed upstairs to the non-smoking area of the restaurant. As we passed through the bar, I thought to myself that I was very glad not to being sitting in the actual bar. The waitress took our drink orders (for once I wasn’t the odd one out ordering lemonade) and gave us the menus. Then she gave us the news that the only food available was listed on the first page. It was a very limited selection with only one thing I would eat. However, it wasn’t me for whom it was going to pose the most problems.
Do You Actual Cater For Vegetarians?
Megan read the menu with some disbelief. There was one starter that didn’t contain meat and none of the main courses were suitable for vegetarians so she decided just to order a side salad and chips. Easy, right? Unfortunately not. They said she couldn’t order that while sitting in the restaurant but she could have it if we moved into the bar. We couldn’t understand the logic in that, especially since the food would be coming from the same kitchen. However, we did decide to move into the bar.
End Of The Problems?
Once in the bar we were given the new menus. There was much more selection and we managed to order meals to suit everyone without too much difficulty. Unfortunately the waitress returned minutes later to say that my choice wasn’t available. I think she was getting worried that we might just walk out but I took the second option and after that we didn’t seem to have any more problems with the food.
Football… *Yawns*
When we’d driven past the bar to park I’d noticed a sign saying that all Premiership matches were televised in the bar and said that I really hoped there wasn’t a match on. It was just my luck to discover that Man United was playing Roma. People kept cheering and it was all very loud. If we’re going to have lots of noise, give me a good loud gig any day.
It Wasn’t An Insult
After we’d finished the meal we were sitting around talking. The television screen was in view so it wasn’t too much of a surprise that Debbie noticed one of the players wearing some kind of protective face mask (at least that’s what I think it was). Unfortunately, just at the moment she said
“What’s wrong with him?” a man on crutches walked in front of the screen. We really hope that he didn’t hear us.
So Long, Farewell
It was really nice to get the chance to see Megan and Debbie one last time before returning to university but it was also quite sad. Hopefully I get time to write to Megan at least a few times this term.
After the meal I went up to say goodbye to Auntie Mary and her cats. I’d been up during the day but I wanted to have one last chance to see them all.
Wednesday 11th April
My Final Meal
Dad took me to the bar around the corner from our house for lunch. The food is always fantastic and the portions are huge. It was a tough decision over whether or not to have dessert. I was somewhat miffed about Dad inviting Davy up to join us again but he spent most to the meal reading a Beano comic. Another of his friend’s joined us as well and confused me by saying that I talked
‘even more country’ than my Dad. Even Dad didn’t know what he was talking about. However, he did randomly give me £15.
Weighing In
Mum was at the house when we got back and she helped me weigh my main bag. A 20Kg weight limit really sucks when you have to carry a riding hat, body protector and boots back and forth between two countries. Of course it didn’t help that my luggage also included my New Rocks (which I ended up wearing), books and presents for people for the end of the year. The scales and other equipment all showed wildly different readings so we weren’t sure whether the bag was within or under weight.
Racing A Plane
As we neared the International airport we saw more and more planes going in to land. I joked that we were racing one of the planes (even though they travel a lot faster than a car on a motorway) and Mum said that she’d probably take off if we were going as fast as the plane. Dad, of course, didn’t understand the conversation.
Please Form An Orderly Queue
When I flew back after the Christmas holidays there were only a handful of other people checking in. This time there were hundreds of people in a dozen queues. They did, however, move fairly quickly.
Bunked
My luggage ended up being overweight so we had to go to a second desk, after checking in, to pay a fee to allow me to carry the extra kilograms. Ironically it was £15, a strange coincidence after me being given that very amount at lunch time. We queued patiently but there was a pensioner behind us who kept glaring at me and she seemed determined to be in front of us. So determined in fact that she bunked the queue. If looks could kill she would have dropped dead right there in front of everyone.
Getting My Own Back
After we’d paid the £15 we headed for the public lounge. Having chosen to take the moving walkway (a flat escalator, if you will), we stood to one side so people would be able to pass us if they wanted to. Then we saw the pensioner who had bunked the queue. She was walking up the walkway and I knew she would want past us. So we decided to block her path. Evil? Most definitely. But I took great pleasure in doing it.
Goodbyes Are So Hard
I put my eye make-up on in the toilets of the airport before I said goodbye to my parents. I knew I would cry it off if I put it on any sooner but I still came very close to doing just that. I told them not to make me cry because I would have to redo my make-up. I was half joking but I’m sure people listening probably thought I was very blasé. Saying goodbye is always so difficult. I’m okay once I’ve settled in again but the transition between the two countries is painful
Departure Lounge
I got through security without difficult. Again, everyone had to take their shoes off so I wasn’t the odd one out. Once through, I checked out the shops in the departure lounge, bought Philippa’s birthday card and two more cards for my notice board and then headed for the departure gate. People were already boarding when I arrived so I joined the queue and was soon on the plane.
Silence!
On the plane, I’d hoped to have the seat next to me free. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I ended up sitting next to an old couple who talking loudly and almost continuously. The man also hummed a lot and I had resist the urge to put my earphones in and play
Remembering Never very loudly.
Flying
I love watching the world from high in the sky. The clouds are so pretty and the world always looked so healthy. The fields are green and the sea is deep blue. Cars are like toys. People are small and insignificant, a tiny, brief dot in eternity. I like watching everything change in proportion, when it all becomes small from being large or grows from being very tiny. I spent most of the flight looking out the window but I did work for some of it. I used part of the time to revise for my horse management exam. It must have look quite strange when I produced a Goth/vampire/fetish/alternative magazine and then opened it to reveal my university notes in the centre. I’d been keeping them there for easy access. And in case I decided to read the magazine instead.
Luggage Collection
I knew that I would land too late to catch the five past seven bus but I was sure I would be in plenty of time for the twenty-five to eight bus. I only just made it onto the bus thanks to the luggage collection fiasco. Luggage from four flights was being placing on one belt. Well, I say four flights but it was only three planes. There was a flight from Londonderry, one from Inverness and mine that incorporated people travelling to Birmingham.
The previous day a plane had been grounded due to a problem with the engine. It went in for maintenance and had the engine replaced overnight. However, it was faulty so the plane had to be grounded again. The result was that the Birmingham-bound passengers were being flown to NEMA and then bussed to their final destination.
Once the luggage actually started to come through there were more problems. There were so many baby seats, buggies and oddly shaped pieces of luggage that things began to get jammed on the restricted part of the belt. Eventually the problem was solved and my bag came through. Just in time for me to catch the bus.
Bus Number One
I caught the seven thirty-five bus from NEMA to Nottingham city centre and spent the entire journey revising for my horse management exam. I had a seat to myself for about half of the journey but then I ended up with someone sitting next to me but I had the feeling that he was trying to sit on my lap.
Bus Number Two
I had over half an hour until the Southwell bus was due so I sat on the wall outside FOPP. I had doubts about making it back to campus as the bus was listed as the 9pm Lowdham bus rather than the 9pm Southwell bus. The reason I was worried was because Lowdham is miles before Brackenhurst and I would probably have some difficulty catching a taxi from there. Thankfully it went the whole way. And Kai also got the bus so I wouldn’t have been alone if I had been forced to catch a taxi for half of the journey.
Home From Home
James, in a drunken state, met me at the top of the staircase in our flat and helped me get my bag to my room. Then I joined him and Philippa in the kitchen to catch up. I had planned to get an early night before my exam but I wasn’t really that tired. We sat up and chatted until midnight arrived and we could wish Philippa
Happy Birthday and then we chatted for a while longer before finally retiring.
Thursday 12th April
Too Early
I felt as though I’d been asleep for five minutes when my alarm went off. Had I not had an exam I think I probably would have shut it off, pulled the covers over my head and refused to get up fro the rest of the day.
Dressed To Impress
I hauled myself out of bed and got dressed for the exam. Polished boots, clean chaps, cream jodhpurs, university polo shirt and jumper. And of course two pairs of black socks, one long, one short, and matching black underwear. Piercings were removed and I plaited my hair. Then I grabbed my hat and gloves and headed for the yard. I hadn’t gone far when Laura offered me a lift. We were both very thankful to discover we had identical outfits and even more so when Madeleine was also dressed the same.
Nerves
Laura, Madeleine, Lucy and I were standing on the yard panicking when Anna arrived and made my nerves even worse. She shouted my name and I tried to figure out what I could have done wrong since I was only just back. She actually only wanted to say something about my hair but she’s such a moody yard manager that you can never be sure what mood she’ll be in. One minute she can be chatting and joking with you and the next she’ll be yelling at you for something you may have had nothing to do with.
Exam Time
Liz walked past us and joked that she wouldn’t be able to hear me since my hair was so loud. A few minutes later she beckoned us to join her for the exam. We didn’t do the same thing at the same time but she asked me to be the first one to fit a double bridle, a part of the exam I’d been dreading. I chose Dice to use as he’s fairly small and, therefore, would not be able to get his head too high in the air if he chose to be awkward. He behaved perfectly though and after the bridle I put a plait in his mane and bandaged one leg for exercise and another for stable-wear. Once that was finished it was on to assessing Woody’s conformation and foot balance and after that we moved onto stable design and construction.
Liz called us aside one by one after we had finished. She wants me to redo the double bridle before the end of term as she didn’t feel I was very confident with it. Not that me never having done it before had anything to do with that. *rolls eyes* Also, I told her everything I knew about it and she said I didn’t seem very forthcoming with the information. Go figure.
Practical
I had planned to skip my horse-human practical since my exam was supposed to run into it but we finished just in time for be to join the group. Zoe and I worked with Puzzle on narrow spaces. We walked her through poles and then back her though a space between the fence and a jump we built parallel to it. It all seemed to work fairly well.
Presents
I gave Philippa her birthday presents between my lectures. There were as follows: a cuddly lamb (which would never grow old and she could keep forever and ever. Unlike the lambs at campus that she helped to deliver), a notebook made from elephant dung (since she had seemed so thrilled with it when she bought her Mum elephant dung paper for Mother’s Day), a brain that expands when placed in water (so she could prove that she did have one. I also told her I pre-programmed it with a plot that she wasn’t to lose) and finally a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs (because she’s mentioned them quite a lot). I included an explanation in her card in case the presents seemed a little too random.
Good News
Graduate skills, the most pointless of my modules, attracts very few people to the lectures. For some reason they decided that we should do a CV and covering letter, poster presentation and a portfolio to pass the year. The most annoying part was that the portfolio required a lot of work but wouldn’t actually be marked. However, they said we would fail the module if we didn’t hand one in. Thankfully, due to our complaints and the amount of work she has to do, Christine has cut it down so we now only need to hand in a CV and covering letter. I would rather have done the poster but it’s much less work so I’m not complaining.
Do Your Duty
I was worried that very few people would show up for duties since it was only our first proper day back but I think the nice weather drew people out. The horses are being turned out again at night now so it means that there’s less work for us. We just turn them out and do the stables and yard. After we’d been to turn some of the geldings out, Laura, Madeleine and I swept the yard. It seemed to go fairly quickly since we were finishing while it was still daylight. Unlike winter when I’d had to walk back to the flat in the dark.
Chinese
Racheal and Kirsty arrived back around teatime so we, as planned, went to the Chinese to buy dinner. We couldn’t decide whether to sit in or get the food and bring it back to the flat. It took most of the journey but we finally decided to get a takeaway. The decision was a wise one as the restaurant was packed. The only free seat was one for use by people waiting for their takeaways. We crammed ourselves around it, outside the door of the toilets, and hoped that no one would need past. Of course, some kid had to decide he needed to use the bathroom. It was like a military exercise trying to move everyone out of the way. If only the kid had waited one minute longer we would have been out of the place and on our way back to campus.
Films
Back in the flat everyone else decided to watch
Happy Feet and
Flushed Away. I declined, took my food to my room and watched
Neon Genesis Evangelion: Death And Rebirth. I’ve been meaning to watch it for over a month so I figured it was about time I finally got around to it.
Friday 13th April
Unlucky
13 is my lucky number and I don’t see Friday the 13th as a bad thing. However, I wasn’t best pleased at having to get up to meet Sophie at the library at 9am to do our presentation for that afternoon’s lecture. Especially when she didn’t show up. I waited for fifteen minutes and then went into the library to do some work on it myself. I worked until I felt like my brain was dribbling out my ears. Or possibly sneaking off to play elsewhere. I met Aaron in the library (he kept insisting my hair was pink even though it’s clearly red) and walked back to the courtyard between our flats with him.
While I’m Awake
I met Amy and James after collecting my post. She liked my hair and then they moaned (jokingly… I hope) about me always getting post. They headed back in to their lectures and I headed for the Co-op so I’d actually have something to eat if I felt like it. I also bought paracetamol, which I hate, because it’s a very up-and-down stage in my life again.
A Resounding Success… Not
I went to the lecture I was supposed to be doing the presentation in and we ended up watching a video on that training method since there was no one present with a presentation ready. I knew the lecturer was trying to get to me with little jibes about Sophie and our presentation but I did my best to ignore her.
Another Piece Of Good News
People kept saying we were due to have our Bioscience end test on April 17th and everyone was panicked about it. Well, everyone who believed we were going to sit it on that day, which was about 50% of those taking the module. Carol decided to call Gareth to find out when it would be and he said it would be the final week of May. He had told people that it would be after Easter and it had been assumed that he meant the first week back. It was probably Ellie that started that rumour since she always tells people we have an exam when, in fact, we don’t.
Choices, Choices
Since everyone except Amy was staying for the weekend we thought we’d take a daytrip somewhere but no one could agree on where to go and we spent most of the evening debating about it. In the end I decided I was too tired and vowed to stay in bed until my body was happy to rise.
Quiet!
Philippa and I watch NCIS every Friday (I got her into it) but with everyone here it was very noisy so I didn’t actually
hear much of the episode.
Saturday 14th April
Lazy Day
I pretty much wasted the day. The morning was mostly taking up by lazing around (it was too hot to do much anyway) while the afternoon involved a trip to the Co-op with James. After that it was laptops, Doctor Who, NCIS and CSI. Kirsty, Racheal and Philippa came in during the second last programme so I missed a lot of the dialogue again. Then I heard them discussing watching a film and got kind of irritated by that since I was watching some of the only programmes I ever get to see these days. Racheal wanted to put one on during CSI (God only knows why they couldn’t go and watch something in Kirsty’s room) but James asked her to wait twenty minutes. Five minutes later she was saying she thought we said it was going to end soon. When it did I left the room. It’s a good thing I didn’t actually
want to see Law And Order.
Titanic
This was the anniversary of the Titanic striking the iceberg. Spare a moment to think of those who died, those who lost loved ones and those whose lives were forever changed.
Sunday 15th April
A Picnic Right After Lunch?
Having planned I picnic I was surprised to find everyone except James had just had lunch when I entered the kitchen at one point. I had assumed that we were planning to go out in the early afternoon but I guess I was wrong.
Stocking Up
James and I decided to go to the Co-op (again) to buy things for the picnic. We ended up with a list of things other people wanted but we were going anyway so it didn’t really make much difference. I bought a box of eight lollies while there and we ended up eating four each on the way back since it was so warm. It was the second day in a row that I ended up out in a camisole. We got brain freeze after three of the lollies so we took a break but still ended up eating the fourth before reaching the flat.
And Then There Were Five
Charlotte decided to stay and do her assignment so, with Amy back in Leicester, there were five of us. I should have been doing my own assignment but I didn’t have any data since we hadn’t done the actual experiment yet so I couldn’t.
Picnicking
We had wanted to sit on the grass next to the lake but there were already people there so we sat on grass on a different side of the Hall. We started out near one of the huge trees but had to move after a while because we were no longer in the sun. Not that I was complaining about that fact.
We had the usual selection of picnic food – sandwiches, crisps, dips, yoghurt etc – and other things such as Indian buffet food. For drinks everyone else had Strongbow. I was on apple and blackcurrant juice (no surprise there then).
Artistic Licence
Philippa was lying on her stomach when I sprinkled grass on her head. Then, egged on by the others, I decided to make her into a piece of art. She agreed to stay still while I covered her head arms and a little of her shoulder with grass. Afterwards I took pictures. Someday I’d like to cover someone completely in grass.
Everyone got grass thrown at them during our grass fights and Philippa got plenty in her bra. Not helped by the fact we kept putting more down it the more she complained about it being there. Yes, the evilness is showing itself again.
Another piece of my art for the day was a Strongbow bottle filled with grass. It’s currently on the kitchen windowsill.
In Trouble?
A man, we think he was one of the security guards, came over to us while we were picnicking and made us feel very nervous (because we had a lot of alcohol and we’d torn up a lot of grass). He chatted to us about it being nice weather and a nice place for a picnic but it wasn’t a comfortable conversation.
We Have Company
We’d chosen our spot so that no one from the barbeque next to the lake could see us. Then a lot of people suddenly appeared with more things for a barbeque. We thought they were going to set up right next to us but thankfully they went around the back of the basketball courts and out of view.
Catch
To amuse ourselves we decided to play catch. We didn’t have a ball with us so we decided to improvise by using Kirsty’s waterproof jacket in its case. Everything was going well until James threw it at me and it smacked me in the eye. I am very thankful that my face is the only part of my body that doesn’t bruise easily. I wouldn’t have liked explaining that I had a black eye because my flatmate hit me.
Hide And Seek
Next time we’re out we’re going to play hide and seek properly. This time we just chose to hide belongings – shoes, bags, keys etc. Sometimes we hid them in plain view just because we could. Childish? Maybe. Fun? Definitely.
Shoe Flinging
Other entertainment of the day included throwing our shoes to ascertain which went the furthest and which was the most aerodynamic. My Converse ranked somewhere in the middle.
We Call It A Day
Eventually at almost nine o’clock we decided to head back to the flat. It was getting dark and we’d been out since about four thirty. At dusk we watched the bats flying and Brack (the peacock) resting high up in one of the trees. We’d been watching him on the roofs of buildings earlier in the day.
Damn It, We Forgot
When we got back to the flat we realised Top Gear had been on. Admittedly it wasn’t a new episode and it hadn’t been aired the pervious week due to BBC televising golf (stupid channel, stupid sport, stupid students) but we were still very annoyed to discover we’d missed it.
Monday 16th April
Dragged Out Of Bed Kicking And Screaming
Admittedly the title is an exaggeration but that’s how it felt when I had to haul myself out of bed to meet Ellie and Ruth at the yard so we could do our practical. Ruth booked the heart rate monitors but screwed up about booking out the horses. Thankfully (I use that word an awful lot) they still let us use them.
The Experiment
We were doing a study to monitor the effect of grooming upon a horse’s heart rate. After they screwed everything up so many times you’d think Ruth and Ellie would have wanted to do it perfectly. That’s what I thought but we’d only used one horse when they started talking about making the rest of the results up. That annoyed me. As did Ellie acting like I wasn’t doing anything when I was holding Beamish, writing down the results, monitoring the horse’s reaction and trying to stop him eating the notebook. After we had finished with Beamish I managed to convince them to do three more horses. Not quite the ten we had originally said we would do.
The Spirit Is Willing But The Body Is Weak
I planned to work on my write up based on the experiment until it was time for the A&P lecture but I made the mistake of sitting down in the kitchen. Once I was on the sofa I couldn’t be bothered getting up again. I kept saying I’d get up in a minute but I never did anything worthwhile when I actually managed to force myself to move.
Cancellations
My first two lectures of the day were cancelled and I hoped the weariness would be cast aside when I went to A&P. I was about halfway along the upper corridor of the Bramley building when I met people returning from the opposite direction with the news that the lecture was cancelled. I got back to the flat and said I would scream if my final lecture was cancelled.
Horse Management
After once again making the mistake of sitting down and then not being able to get up again for an hour and a half, I made my way to my 4pm lecture. Shockingly it was actually on. However, it was horse management and it now seems a little pointless going to the lectures when I’ve already taken the exam.
The Evening
With the celebration of Philippa’s the next day, much of the evening was spend discussing what we were planning to wear and how much money each of us would be carrying. Shortly before Amy returned we all ended up eating ice cream and when Amy got back we all sat in the kitchen and talked. It’s not often that we have all seven of us, and just the seven of us together. The only time it normally happens is at lunchtimes when it’s chaotic and occasionally at flat parties.
Tuesday 17th April
A Scare
Having had all my Nutrition lectures cancelled (annoyingly, she has actually marked our assignments but we have to wait another week) my first lecture of the day was Bioscience. Calmer not that we knew we weren’t sitting the exam in that hour, we received a scare when Gareth said we would be doing it in one week. We managed to persuade him to make it two but I think it’s time for some revision.
A Gap
As with the previous day, I made the mistake of sitting down in the kitchen. It’s been so warm that it’s become too much effort to do anything. I had to force myself to go to my psychology lecture and the two hours really dragged out this week. Six hours of having information thrown at you is just too much for one day.
Preparations
Kirsty, Philippa, Racheal and James left the flat shortly after I returned from my last lecture. Amy, Charlotte and I were going to meet them in Whetherspoons at 7pm along with everyone else. They all looked very nice but it was too soon after my lectures for me to be ready to go with them. Charlotte was napping in her room and Amy and I ended up hanging out in the kitchen for a while before we actually decided to get ready.
Don’t Look For My Suicide Note, This Is All You’ll Find
Amy and Charlotte knocked on my door a while before eight to see if I was ready but some stuff had happened (which I’m not sharing here or elsewhere) and I’d decided not to go. They tried to make me go but I declined, despite already being dressed for the night. After they left I ground up an entire packet of paracetamol, make what could have been my last journal entry and then sat and cried. I was on the verge of going through with it when Louise suddenly came online and started talking to me. She pulled me back from the edge and, even if she never knows, made me realise I was being to fucking stupid and selfish. My notice board now has pinned to it a piece of paper that reads
“Remember: Suicide Is A Permanent Solution To A Temporary Problem”.
Yoghurt Attack
Kirsty was trying to finish off her squeezable yoghurts (organic versions of Frubes) so she came Philippa one. Unfortunately, she threw it across the room and when Philippa caught it, it exploded. The walls were covered in yoghurt and we all had a good giggle at it. Then it got wiped off. There are still marks though since our paint is rubbish cheap stuff.
Wednesday 18th April
Attempt Number Two
I went to the library at 2pm to meet Sophie so we could actually put our TTEAM presentation together. She was ten minutes late and I really thought she wasn’t going to show up. She did, however, and we got a lot of work done in the two and a half hours we spent in the library. After that we were both brain dead so I said I would finish the presentation on my laptop and we parted ways.
6!6!6!
Today saw, I think perhaps for the first or at least one of the first times, the six residents of our flat all in the kitchen together with no one else present. Racheal wasn’t feeling well so she was over in her own flat. It was strange though.
Play Ball! Er…Shuttlecock
James, Kirsty, Philippa and I went to play badminton down at the leisure centre. Then we went to the chippy to buy dinner for ourselves and for everyone else back at the flat. Apparently, Charlotte was counting down the time from about seven o’clock but we couldn’t have got back any faster than we did. Amy gave us a lift back so at least we didn’t have to reheat the food.
Majority Rules
As ever I am the minority. I wanted to watch
Sole Survivor, an adaptation of a Dean Koontz novel but everyone else wanted to watch The Apprentice so that idea was out.
Insomnia
I decided to get an early night but by quarter to one I’d been tossing and turning for about an hour an a half so I decided to get up and do some work. I did the entire presentation while chatting to people online. Once I’d finished I tried to get to sleep again and this time I succeeded.
Thursday 19th April
Practice Makes Perfect
Katie, Zoe and I worked with Puzzle and Rupert in HHR. We seem to be making quite a bit of progress with our practical work so hopefully it will all go well.
Not What You’d Call Packed
Three of us showed up for Grad Skills (out of fifty two) so we spent half an hour talking about showing and other horse related things. Now I no longer have to go. Yippee!
Under Attack
Carol had a go at us because so many people asked for extensions on the B&W assignment deadline. She decided to give us and extra three days but then said we would get higher marks if we handed them in by the original deadline.
Distracted
When I was supposed to be doing my B&W assignment I ended up standing in the kitchen chatting to people. Philippa and I ended up half hanging out the window. We were looking at things on the buildings and trying to figure out what they were. I decided they were scart plugs because that’s what they looked like. James joined us a while later and we discussed suicide by jumping out the window. Amy was trying to get him to order me to jump since I keep forgetting I don’t have to obey him to see if I’d do it. Personally I don’t think that was a wise idea. Thankfully he didn’t order me to jump. If he had, I wouldn’t be writing this right now.
Assignment
I eventually returned to working on my assignment and finished it in the early hours of the morning. I know it’s pretty bad but at least it was finished by the deadline. I do find it worrying, though, that I managed to do an assignment worth 50% of a module in just one night. And I didn’t even need an all-nighter to do it.
Friday 20th April
Final Preparations
I met Sophie at the library at quarter past one (since she was late again) to finalise who was saying what during our TTEAM presentation. Then we parted ways so she could go and print off some things. I returned to the flat to find Amy had gone home but left my (belated) birthday present outside my room. She bought me a fairy produced by Nemesis Now. She said it reminded her of my drawings.
Over And Out
Before my lecture I dropped my assignment into reception. That’s it over and done with now. I don’t need to think about it again until she’s marked it.
Cursed
As we were going into the lecture theatre Sophie suddenly realised she hadn’t emailed herself the presentation and had to dash off to do that. Then the computer took ages to start up properly and load all the settings. And after that the screen kept going blank so we had to wing it a few times. Thankfully we got it done and it’s finished now. *breaths a sigh of relief*
A Helping Hand
Eight of us went to our A&P lab session with Gareth. There had been a few other but they got bored of waiting and left since he was about 15 minutes late. We never know whether we have the lecture until the HHR lecture right beforehand so we made him promise to email us in the future. He decided not to do what he had planned with us since he didn’t feel it was actually relevant to us. Instead we discussed the rest of the year and he showed us some stuff that should help a lot. I actually feel more confident about passing the year now than I did.
Chinese
James headed out to work leaving me and Charlotte alone in the flat. I’m not sure how we got onto the topic but we were soon talking about Chinese takeaways and how much we’d like one right then. Unfortunately the takeaway doesn’t deliver and it was too late to walk down before closing time. None of the ones in Southwell do deliveries. Presumably due to the chance of students placing orders and then not collecting them from the driver and/or not paying for them. However, it means they do miss out on a lot of profit. That left us wanting so we decided that Saturday would most definitely be Chinese night.
Body Parts
NCIS brought up the topic of selling body parts for money. An awful lot of money. Apparently a complete human body can sell for two hundred thousand dollars. That’s £99,785 at the current exchange rate. That would be fantastic right now. During it I was wondering if I could sell them my body in advance and receive a down payment so I could pay my way through university.
Hamsters And Guinea Pigs
Amy brought her hamster to visit during the week but I think Charlotte and James were the only ones who got to see it. Charlotte held him but James didn’t after this led to a rather strange conversation after James returned from work. They decided they were the hamster’s aunt and uncle but Charlotte said that James hadn’t got to hold the hamster since he would be the perverted uncle that would take advantage of an innocent little hamster.
We also discussed guinea pigs since Charlotte currently wants one more than anything else. She’s desperate to get one and seems to be becoming slightly obsessed with the idea of finding a breeder. We’re not supposed to have pets here but I know some people do.
Happy Birthday?
Finally, April 20th was Hitler’s birthday. I wonder what people used to buy him as presents. A state-of-the-art handgun? A guide to total world domination? Tank driving lessons?
Here’s a joke that one of my friends used to love: What was the last thing Hitler said to his men before they got in their tanks?
Answer: Get in your tanks men.
I know it’s bad but it seemed appropriate.
Saturday 21st April
In Search Of the Chill Factor
Charlotte, James and I went down to Southwell at lunchtime to go to the market before it finished. We also went to the sweet shop (yes, we are childish) and (you guessed it) the Co-op. we ended buying lollies and eating lots of them on the way back to campus again.
A Second Spring Clean
The kitchen had ended up in a mess again, with unwashed dishes everywhere and worktops in serious need of a clean, so we decided to do something about it. James washed the dishes and I dried them while Charlotte cleaned the oven, worktops and table. It might sound like she was doing the most work but there were actually so many things that needed washed and dried that it took about an hour and a half to do it all. Last time I did a big clean like this it was with Philippa while the Geographers were in Spain. This time I heard the same complaints from different people.
A Race Against Time
With a little over an hour until Doctor Who was due to start, James and I headed down to Southwell to buy Chinese for the three of us. We couldn’t go down earlier as we had to wait for the place to open but we were the first ones there and our food came pretty quickly. We arrived back at campus with about twenty minutes to spare and then settled in for Doctor Who.
The Ultimate Form
Last night’s episode saw the return of the Daleks to Doctor Who. I think they’re fantastic. They’re definitely my favourite of the Doctor’s adversaries. I would love to be a Dalek. I think it would solve so many problems. I’d like to be a proper Dalek though, a pure one rather than a human-Dalek like the one in the most recent episode. I wonder if I could convince any scientists to turn me into a Dalek or possibly download my consciousness into one…
Hanging Out
After Doctor Who James went to work again and, as with the previous night, Charlotte and I hung out in the kitchen and watched NCIS followed by CSI. This weekend is the first time I think I’ve really spent any time with her properly and it’s been quite nice.
Thinly Veiled Lies
Charlotte was complaining about guys and their inability to comprehend the female thought process. I told her that’s why I wanted nothing to do with relationships but even as I said it I knew it was a lie. I would actually like to be in a relationship but I think I screwed up any chance I ever had of that happening.
Interrupted
Charlotte headed to be before James returned from work and he did the same shortly after he returned. They didn’t stay there long, however, as an argument started in the road outside the flat. It went on for about forty minutes with almost every other word as a profanity before security finally made the two minute journey here to tell them to move on.
This was only the latest in a list of interruptions. It was so warm during the night and the previous one that we had the kitchen windows open but had to keep closing and reopening them as people developed a habit of making too much noise outside for us to focus on what we were doing.
Sunday 22nd April
Back Dating
Today was another lazy day that involved me completing the back dating of my journal to March 27th. I wasn’t able to post from my laptop over the Easter holidays and I didn’t want confusion to arise from me posting entries out of chronological order.
Summer Rain
It rained today but it was only a short, light shower. Summer rain. I think it’s the first time I’ve actually seen rain is weeks. James says that I’m not supposed to include the next part. However, I’m including it anyway. We were sitting in the kitchen when he suddenly got really excited and yelled
“Rain!” I really did only add that since he said not to. I’m trying to get out of the habit of obeying guys.
Very Bad Baby
TV viewing today has been
Deal Or No Deal, Shaun The Sheep, Scrapheap Challenge, Toys (a Robbin Williams film) and
Top Gear. We’re currently watching
Superstorm. Well, half watching it, half playing on our laptops.
If They Have Fast Cars In Hell, I Know Where I Want To Go
We watched
Top Gear earlier and if the cars were people they would be incredibly sexy. Hot guys be damned, I want some of those cars.
One Plus One Plus Two Plus One
Philippa arrived back a while ago and David is here as well. He hasn’t been here all week because his university hadn’t started back but I assume he is going to be here a lot again. I have yet to see Charlotte today.
The First Hour Of Monday 23rd April
Some Stuff About Right Now
James and Philippa have just been poking each other with one of my whips.
I spoke to Mum on the phone a while ago and got really creeped out. The line was crackly and then it suddenly cut off, I heard a man’s voice and then it rang and reconnected. It was strange.
A new cat has turned up at home. I think it may move in soon. We are down to only five now after all.
James sent me the following on messenger:
Breathe in deep, and cleanse away our sins
And we'll pray that there's no God
To punish us and make a fuss
And
Your golden lies feed my role
In this forgotten space race under my control
Who's returned from the dead?
Who remains?
You wanted more than I was worth
You think I was scared yeah
And you needed proof
Who really cares anymore?
Who restrains?
I don't love you and I never did
I don't love you and I never will
We were talking about lyrics that suited us. Apparently the first set is for me and the second set is for him.
Overview Of The Month
Explanation
This section contains things that don’t really relate to a specific date but I feel like including them.
Strange Happenings
A lot of unusual things have happened in the past month, both at home and at university. I’m not going to grow into great detail here but I just want to list a few of them. At home I kept hearing someone calling my name and I swear I heard whispering right next to me when no one was even on the same floor. One night, while home alone, I heard a dragging noise which I swear sounded like a body being dragged across the ground. A set of wind chimes also fell from its place without reason and the elastic which was holding it in place was not broken. It should not have fallen.
Back at university we’ve heard a lot of strange noises. When I was alone in the flat in my room I thought I heard Amy in her room next to mine and people in the kitchen on the other side. Most of us have sworn we’ve heard the front door open and some climbing the stairs. There have been other unexplained noises as well and several of us have seen things inside and outside the flat. This includes figures that vanish and moving shadows seen out of the corner of the eye.
Unexplained scents also occur. Several times I have been sitting on the sofa in the kitchen and suddenly smelt something burning. However, it can only be smelt on the side of the kitchen where things are not cooked. Other people have described it as a smoke smell or the smell of birthday candles.
Bloody Cleaner
Every weekday morning our new cleaner insists on coming in to clean the flat. Previously this was only done on Wednesdays but now we are subjected to the sound of vacuuming before eight am each weekday. Weekends are a relief. The worst part is that she vacuums even though the carpet is clean and doesn’t actually touch things that need done. The cooker needed cleaned and the worktops were filthy but she didn’t touch them. However, she did decide to clean the windows despite them not being particularly dirty but she didn’t do a very good job as there is still a dead fly (which James swatted) stuck to one of them.
Alcohol At Noon
I’ve come to realise that, although I don’t drink, I don’t have a normal view of alcohol. I don’t like it that people are alcoholic and that I’m predisposed to that condition. However, I’ve been in pubs with friends at lunchtime when they’ve been drinking and not found it strange. Recently, though, I’ve realised that the people I now live with don’t see it as normal. Is it because of my upbringing that I view alcohol consumption differently to other people? I know my Dad and his friends think there’s something wrong with me because I don’t drink but that’s because they cannot comprehend my thought processes. If I don’t drink then I’m not running the risk of becoming like them. And yet if someone doesn’t have a drinking problem then I think it’s okay for them to have a drink at lunch. I sometimes think my thought processes are flawed. Oh well, no one is perfect.
Another Day, Another Dog Collar
I got another new dog collar over the Easter holidays. It’s got big spikes, a ring at the front and is currently my favourite. There’s another one I’ve been looking at as well that I think I might buy. Other purchases over the holidays included two new corsets. One is black and I think I may have already talked about it. The other is purple with velvet, lace and diamante decorating it. I’ll try to put pictures up soon.
Truth And Lies
Anton Szandor LaVey said that a comfortable falsehood would always win out over an uncomfortable truth and now I understand why. I always thought that I would rather people were honest with me but now I realise that there are certain things I would rather continued their illusion.
I Swear I Meant To Say Bandage
While revising for my horse management exam I had to studying bandaging. Unfortunately every time I went to say bandage it seemed to come out as bondage. Freudian slip? Perhaps. Whether it was or it wasn’t, I just pray that I said the correct word in my exam.
Some Things That I Have Heard
I was recently told that Koi Carp can live for two hundred years and it made me wonder, do they pass carp down through families in Japan the way than silverware is handed down through generations in Britain?
Apparently
Ring, A Ring Of Roses doesn’t stem from the symptoms of the bubonic plague. It’s a nineteenth century song of American origin. Or so I’ve heard.
Soundtrack For The Month
Last month I posted a soundtrack for my life. The following list is a few songs that have been my theme songs during the past month:
Sonata Arctica – Replica
Fall Out Boy – 7 Minutes In Heaven
Rotersand – Exterminate, Annihilate, Destroy
Superchick – Hero
Dht – Listen To Your Heart
And here’s the lyrics to each of them:
Sonata Arctica – Replica
I'm home again, I won the war, and now I am behind your door.
I tried so hard to obey the law, and see the meaning of this all.
Remember me? Before the war, I'm the man who lived next door.
Long ago...
As you can see, when you look at me, I'm pieces of what I used to be.
It's easier when you don't see I'm standing on my own two feet.
I'm taller when I sit here still, you ask are all my dreams fulfilled.
They made me heart of steel, the kind them bullets cannot see, yeah.
Nothing's what it seems to be
I'm a replica, I'm a replica
Empty shell inside of me
I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me
The light is green, my slate is clean, new life to fill the hole in me.
I had no name, last December, Christmas Eve I can't remember.
I was in a constant pain, I saw your shadow in the rain.
I painted all your pictures red, I wish I had stayed home instead.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Nothing's what it seems to be
I'm a replica, I'm a replica
Empty shell inside of me
I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me
Are you gonna leave me now, when it is all over
Are you gonna leave me, is my world now over
Raising from the place I've been, and trying to keep my home base clean.
Now I'm here and won't go back believe.
I fall asleep and dream a dream, I'm floating in the silent stream.
No-one place blame on me,
But nothing's what it seems to be, yeah.
Nothing's what it seems to be
I'm a replica, I'm a replica
Empty shell inside of me
I'm not myself, I'm a replica
Nothing's what it seems to be
I'm a replica
Empty shell inside of me
I'm replica of...
Nothing's what it seems to be
I'm a replica
Empty shell inside of me
I'm a replica
Nothing's what it seems to be
I'm a replica
Empty shell inside of me
I'm replica of me...
I'm home again, I won the war, and now I am behind your door.
I tried so hard to obey the law, and see the meaning of it all.
Remember me? Before the war,
I'm the man who lived.
Fall Out Boy – 7 Minutes In Heaven
I'm sleeping my way out of this one
With anyone who will lie down
I'll be stuck fixated on one star
When the world is crashing down
I keep telling myself
I keep telling myself
I'm not the desperate type
But you've got me looking in through blinds
I keep telling myself
I keep telling myself
I'm not the desperate type
Sitting out dances on the wall
Trying to forget everything that isn't you
I'm not going home alone
Cause I don't do too well
Sitting out dances on the wall
Trying to forget everything that isn't you
I'm not going home alone
Cause I don't do too well on my own
The only thing worse than not knowing
Is you thinking that I don't know
I'm having another episode
I just need a stronger dose
I keep telling myself
I keep telling myself
I'm not the desperate type
But you've got me looking in through blinds
I keep telling myself
I keep telling myself
I'm not the desperate type
Sitting out dances on the wall
Trying to forget everything that isn't you
I'm not going home alone
Cause I don't do too well
Sitting out dances on the wall
Trying to forget everything that isn't you
I'm not going home alone
Cause I don't do too well on my own
I keep telling myself
I keep telling myself
I'm not the desperate type
But you've got me looking in through blinds
I keep telling myself
I keep telling myself
I'm not the desperate type
Sitting out dances on the wall
Trying to forget everything that isn't you
I'm not going home alone
Cause I don't do too well on my own
Rotersand – Exterminate, Annihilate, Destroy
Give me your faith, something i can believe in
And you'll be my family, my brother, my friend
Tell me a truth that i find not deceiving
Teach me a lesson that i understand
Build me a shelter, a place i can dwell in
Show me a future that i can enjoy
Give me a reason and i'll be your fellow
Show me the target i have to destroy
Exterminate, annihilate, destroy
Show me my leader and i'll pledge obedience
Whisper the name of the enemy mine
Blessed be my fate and my tools of expedience
I'm going to fulfil what's my mission divine
Exterminate, annihilate, destroy
Superchick – Hero
No one sits with him, he doesn't fit in
But we feel like we do when we make fun of him
Cause you want to belong, do you go along?
Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong
It's not like you hate him or want him to die
But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide
Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side
And a kindness from you might have saved his life
Heroes are made when you make a choice
You could be a hero - heroes do what's right
You could be a hero - you might save a life
You could be a hero- you could join the fight
For what's right, for what's right, for what's right
No one talks to her, she feels so alone
She's in too much pain to survive on her own
The hurt she can't handle overflows to a knife
She writes on her arm and wants to give up her life
Each day she goes on is a day that she's brave
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way
Each moment of courage her on life she saves
When she throws the pills out a hero is made
Heroes are made when you make a choice
You could be a hero - heroes do what's right
You could be a hero - you might save a life
You could be a hero- you could join the fight
For what's right, for what's right, for what's right
No one talks to him about how he lives
He thinks that the choices he makes are just his
Doesn't know he's the leader with the way he behaves
And others will follow the choices he's made
He lives on the edge, he's old enough to decide
His brother who wants to be him is just nine
He can do what he wants because it's his right
The choices he makes change a nine-year-old's life
Heroes are made when you make a choice
You could be a hero - heroes do what's right
You could be a hero - you might save a life
You could be a hero- you could join the fight
For what's right, for what's right, for what's right
Dht – Listen To Your Heart
I know there’s something in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah
You’ve built a love but that love falls apart
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark
Listen to your heart
When he’s calling for you
Listen to your heart
There’s nothing else you can do
I don’t know where you’re going
And I don’t know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye
Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah
They’re swept away and nothing is what is seems
The feeling of belonging to your dreams
Listen to your heart
When he’s calling for you
Listen to your heart
There’s nothing else you can do
I don’t know where you’re going
And I don’t know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye
And there are voices
That want to be heard
So much to mention
But you can't find the words
The scent of magic
The beauty that’s been
When love was wilder than the wind
Listen to your heart
When he’s calling for you
Listen to your heart
There’s nothing else you can do
I don’t know where you're going
And I don’t know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye
Listen to your heart....mm...mmm
I don’t know where you’re going
And I don’t know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye
Riddle Me This
Rhetorical Question: Does a dyslexic atheist not believe in dog?
Question: How does a new driver know if someone is telling a fib?
Answer: By using their lie sense (licence)
Question: What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
Answer: About Half Way
A Few Final Words
Well this is the end of this entry. I know it’s huge and I don’t actually expect anyone to read it but it’s a look at almost a month of my life.
Ravensbloodzero, out.
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